Diversity, inclusion, and acceptance are key guiding principles at Avalon and are crucial to creating a sense of belonging in recovery. We intentionally work to create safe environments for anyone who identifies and lives full-time as a woman, trans-inclusive. As we continue to recognize and celebrate Pride Month, we have Guylaine, a woman of Avalon, sharing her story with us in the hopes of inspiring others who may have similar experiences and to educate folks about the LGBTQ+ community.
Meet Guylaine
Guylaine is a parent, a former ice hockey coach, an avid music lover, a woman of a trans experience, and an alcoholic in recovery. She came to transition later in life, having spent her teen years in the late 1970s and 80s when widespread acceptance of the LGBTQ+ people and communities was yet to arrive. However, Guylaine knew from age five that she was in the wrong body. At that time, the word ‘transgender’ was hardly known, let alone represented in the media beyond parody. Guylaine remained repressed for decades, and while she earned a degree and achieved a long career in tech, she was never really being the true self she felt inside. The chance to start her change arrived in 2012 when she got to AA.
Identity, gender and addiction
Even as other groups under the LGBTQ+ umbrella gain recognition and rights, trans people still face deep-rooted discrimination, stigma and abuse across all areas of life. This significantly affects the rates of substance abuse among the transgender population, which are disproportionately high (as seen below).
Guylaine describes alcohol as a “self-medication” she used to temporarily alleviate her anxiety and depression and to, at times, express her gender in private under its influence. It relieved the fear she had around her gender, but also numbed it out and repressed living an authentic life.
Statistics Canada has found that one-third of sexual minority Canadians (referring to those with sexual orientations other than heterosexual) consider their mental health poor or fair. Moreover, the figure below shows the results of a study looking at the prevalence of mental health problems stratified by gender identity. As you can see, there was a strong association observed between high levels of mental health issues and binary and non-binary transgender individuals (compared to lower levels for cisgender males and females).
Guylaine says by the time she entered AA and other programs to address her alcoholism, her life was a “complete mess” – but it turned around:
“AA was the last door I could knock on and I never wanted to be a part of it. Luckily, I did arrive and the gifts it has given me are amazing. I had found a home I never thought I wanted… I now had a cohort and friends within that cohort building, all on our paths of recovery. I began to get in the middle of things and while I relapsed many times, I kept coming back. Slowly but surely life began to be less drama and chaos and more growth and connected to others and inside myself.”
How did starting recovery affect her sense of identity and self-acceptance?
“Recovery has provided me with tools, people and lessons I never had before. These are not things I found out there on my own. I tried for decades to quit drinking on my own. As things levelled off the gender dysphoria could now be addressed properly. … counselling was more effective with my newfound sobriety, honesty, deep honesty. I could now start a path toward being authentic.
My fears of treating my dysphoria clung on tightly and I would not come to a decision to seek hormones therapy till mid-2019 and commenced treatment in January 2020 some 7+ years after arriving at AA and nearly 10 years after starting counselling… I highly doubt I could ever have done this while remaining an active drinker. Recovery from my alcoholism needed to come before my treatment for gender dysphoria. It made this all possible with amazing results today. I came out fully in early 2020 and the love and support inside AA and outside AA has been overwhelming. Today I live one life, not multiple facades, I love myself and love my life even with ongoing anxiety and depression issues. My life is simpler, more fulfilling and I have an amazing array of friends and connections that continue to move my life in positive directions. A deep message from recovery was I did not have to do my transition alone.”
Inclusivity in the addiction space
Recovery is deeply personal and challenging for everyone, but particularly for those who are marginalized. Processing addiction is compounded by having to deal with many other issues such as discrimination and transphobia. This can also be explained through the concept of ‘minority stress’: the negative effects associated with the adverse social conditions experienced by individuals of a marginalized social group. For gay and transgender individuals, this is common and ongoing, and minority stress can be triggered by many things including general social prejudice aimed against the LGBTQ+ community and discriminatory laws.
To create an effective program, for recovery or anything else, there needs to be greater understanding of what the LGBTQ+ community faces and an emphasis on inclusivity – and though building that trust takes time, Guylaine truly believes it is possible.
Recovery tools and advice
Knowing that she was no longer alone was important for Guylaine on her paths to recovery and to transition. “It is very difficult for an addict to trust anything or anyone. We want to deny and keep hidden the addiction as well as pretty much everything you can in your life.” Addiction is a disease of isolation and disconnection, a sentiment felt during Guylaine’s sobriety journey and in the broader transgender experience. As the graph below shows, binary and non-binary transgender people feel a lack of companionship, left out, and isolated from others with much greater prevalence than cisgender individuals:
Guylaine’s advice for handling this is as follows: “I would encourage anyone to reach out and find others who are also heading toward recovery. That may be 12 steps or another program. You may have to try a number of different options to find that program or cohort that fits. Then within that cohort you will find the people you resonate and connect with. That in itself can be life changing.”
She adds: “You may also find you need help dealing with other issues that addiction has masked over. Go get the help you need for them as well. Addiction for me was a temporary poor solution and symptom of other issues I needed to deal with. One for me was my gender dysphoria. Yours may be quite different.”
Experience with Avalon
Though Guylaine has been involved with Avalon for less than a year, she knew about it for many years prior through other Women of Avalon and saw their amazing results. Guylaine remembered reading that Avalon is inclusive but had a feeling she would not be welcome – fears that she came to realize were the opposite of reality. When she joined, she was welcomed and felt at ease and accepted very quickly. Because of COVID, most of her interactions have been virtual via Zoom, and she is a regular attendee as well as a volunteer meeting host. In Guylaine’s words: “I have met many wonderful women through Avalon even in this short time that have shared their experience, strength, hope, support and love with me. I feel very blessed.”
She continues:
“Avalon is a safe space. I have found a whole new world of healing within its sisterhood. It affirms what I have always felt. I believe it needs to be a women only space as I think it gives safety and an ability to fully express our thoughts and feelings in a way mixed meetings can’t offer. While our experiences can be unique, there is much we share as women. It was the first women only space I ever approached after coming out but it was not the last. Each has been a blessing and a real boost to my healing path. I know it can be a healing place for many other women like me. I feel supported, loved, and “part of.” It is an amazing part of my life now!”
When we asked if there was anything else Guylaine would like to share with the Avalon audience, she said the following:
“First I would like to thank all the women who created and cared for Avalon prior to my arrival. I can only imagine the challenges you faced. I am deeply grateful. It has changed my life in a beautiful and positive direction. I am also deeply grateful to everyone who keeps Avalon going. It is really needed! If you are a trans woman on a path of recovery, you may also find Avalon a place of healing. I encourage you to give it a chance and you may find similar acceptance and healing that I have. Yes we do fit in here. Yes we are accepted here. We do have the requirement of courtesy, respect, acceptance of others like we have in all the spaces we find in life. You have a home and if you are lucky like me, you find it affirms deep inside you have been right all along, you are a woman. You will find connection, recovery, support and love here!”
We would like to thank Guylaine for her courage, vulnerability, and willingness to share her story and perspective with the Avalon audience. Avalon will continue to hold space for all self-identifying women and do everything we can to build trust with marginalized communities in order to create recovery services that are inclusive, safe, and welcoming.
If you’re looking to try out an Avalon meeting, please click here to find our full meeting schedule. We are sending you all so much love, compassion, and warmth!
Sources
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/transgender
https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-020-8228-5
https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/200909/dq200909a-eng.htm